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TRIED IT! AND OH, WHAT’S YOUR PURPOSE?
This year has gone too damn far because Chadwick Boseman? Really? But do you know who else is really trying it? Some human being (but wait it could be a robot) on Facebook. So, I’m in the toilet minding everyone’s business on twitter and I come across a tweet of a Facebook screenshot that read “anyone else see his death a distraction from the missing children found? RIP but what a coincidence.” Disgusting remarks such as these leave me wondering who allowed this level of myopic attitude on social media. Kind reminder that before you allow yourself to die you need to ascertain that everything in the world is in order, which is impossible, otherwise we might come up with superstitious remarks . If I die and someone makes a foolish remark such as that one, please keep my energy and check them for me. Remind them that they are very foolish. In fact, tell them that we refuse to have Homo habilis brains haboured in Homo sapiens bodies!
Anyway, the reason why we are gathered here today ladies and gentlemen is to be reminded of how important it is to honour our purpose here on earth. This purpose thing, how do you discover it? I honestly don’t think you do. I don’t think anyone has quite the full picture about what their purpose here on earth is, I stand corrected. Here’s what you do though, you know that thing that sets your soul on fire? Pursue it even when it makes no sense! Take breaks whenever you feel exhausted but don’t give up on it. I know for a fact that God doesn’t put a dream in your heart for it to be just that, a dream.
Chadwick’s death had me introspecting on my writing journey. The number of times I have gotten, “wow! This changed my perspective on something.” or “I needed to hear this,” from my writing are numerous. The friends I have made from this space (some I’ve never met) are quite many. The random messages asking what happened to the blog during these five months I’ve been MIA reminded me that this is something I love doing and that people actually care about my work. Listen, if it has some sort of impact, even just to one person, you are doing great baby. Don’t stop! Please listen to your heart, it always has the answers you might be looking for. The Universe will always guide you.
Lastly, to all the cancer warriors (both alive and dead) I stun at how resilient you are. I lost one of my favourite human beings to cancer on the twelfth of September, 2016. To date, I have never understood how he gave us strength and hope even on the gloomiest of days. I’ll never ever forget this day he was seeing me off with his ‘three’ legs as he used to call them. By this time his leg had been amputated as he had sarcoma cancer of the leg and he moved by the help of crutches. He’d just come back home after the second last round of chemo. I asked him if he was afraid of losing the battle and he said to me, “I’m not afraid of death. I have lived my life to the fullest. I am not afraid.” Yeah, you guessed right that was followed by me trying to give him reasons as to why he had no right to die on us, the people who loved him. Okay, I admit I cried a bit (throw all the gangster points out of the window) hoping that the next tears I’d shed would be those of joy after he’d been declared cancer free. Less than a month later, he died but he won the battle. Archie never ever let cancer define or limit him. I had the best six months of my life with him. From random Kijabe road trips in pursuit of a prosthesis to the most intense sit down conversations. Archie, I still randomly laugh at your jokes. If you’ve followed the blog for a while then you’d know that cancer deaths tend to have an intense effect on me. I have talked about Joyce Laboso, Bob Collymore, Ken Okoth and now Chadwick’s deaths on this platform. I realized that it’s okay to feel weighed down by the death of someone you don’t know for many reasons such as they inspired you in one way or another, their death triggers grief of a previous loss or like in my case, both. My heart goes out to everyone battling cancer, anyone with a loved one battling it or anyone who has been on that journey before. One day we shall defeat cancer.
I MISS YOU, A LOT.
SIDE NOTE: SHEILA WAS MY SENIOR BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL. WE DIDN’T INTERACT MUCH BUT THERE’S A CERTAIN WARMTH SHE HAS THAT ONE CAN’T MISS. SHE NEEDS OUR HELP. SHE NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HER FAMILY, FRIENDS AND BOYFRIEND. PLEASE HELP HER.
NOW THAT WE HAVE LOTS OF TIME TO OURSELVES….
Why read? In the words of Chimamanda Ngozi, books help you question and understand the world. They help in self expression and from my experience, emotional intelligence. If you know me then you know how important my books are to me. I have made friends with people just because we realized we’d read a similar book. My love for books became a thing in 2018. I did not grow up reading because none of my folks are book lovers. I’m I the only one who one of the reasons they can’t wait to have kids is so that they can read them books? I’m not talking about just bed time stories, I’m saying having a routine where you read them a book while still expectant. Apparently kids no what’s up from when they’re still in the belly. My future babies we will be a reading family, okay? Now that you have a lot of time to your hands, can I suggest some books that have changed my perspectives in certain areas of my life?
Michelle Obize’s (I mean Obama) Becoming is definitely one of my favourite books. I read it a while back and couldn’t stop talking about it. I’m planning to re-read it soon. The book is a memoir. She narrates her becoming journey and states how she’s still becoming. She published the book in 2018 after she was done with her two terms as first lady of the United States of America. I resonated with the part where she narrates how she craved interaction and disliked the solitude at Sidley and Austin law firm where she worked as a lawyer. Reading that part confirmed that there was certainly nothing wrong with me and loving to interact with people. Isn’t this another reason why we read books? Shortly after she resigned from the law firm with the, encouragement of Barack, because she finally admitted to herself that she was not cut out for law. She talks about how she struggled listening to her own voice and even figuring out what she wanted to do after she quit law whereas dating this self-assured man, Barack, who knew exactly what he wanted, when and how. I love how vulnerable she is highlighting their journey as a couple. She says she loved how Barack would hold her hand in public and constantly assure her that she’s beautiful (I think our love language is the same Michelle!) to how they’d spend nights in Barack’s apartment that had no air-conditioning forcing them to sleep with the windows open to their arguments and how frustrated she’d get from some of them. I loved it when she cursed on one of her book tours insinuating that she was as human as everyone else. The Becoming documentary is now on Netflix.
Boy! Luvvie Ajayi’s I’m Judging You is such an interesting read. Luvvie is an American citizen with Nigerian roots. This book feels like conversing with your bestie(s). Like when she says,”behind every good-for-nothing man are bedroom skills beyond measures. It’s like the universe way of balancing itself out….. When you’ve perfected the art of making people orgasm at will with beguilement, shortcuts, twists of the tongue and anglings of the body, then I get why you have no energy left for learning to read. I can see why you can’t hold a job or file taxes.” This made me want to mention names! I know you do too. We’ve all experienced someone with no ambition but whom you’d make absurd sacrifices to see because they knew their way well around your body, no? Grab this book and thank me later.
The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy is the most practical self help book I’ve ever read in my life time. Darren became a millionaire in his early twenties. This book is emphatic on creating new habits that are oriented away from sabotage and towards success. He tells it as it is. “The path to success is through a mundane, unsexy, unexciting and sometimes difficult disciplines compounded over time.” I swear by this book mind you, I’m not even halfway through. Sometimes we need to be reminded that earning success is hard. The process is laborious, tedious and even boring so thank you Darren!
I thought that my ICDL lecturer was sexy, not in the way he looked, no certainly not but because of his vibe and the things he stood for. This guy had a vibe to him that wouldn’t go unnoticed. So, this day he’s talking politics and starts quoting phrases from Facing Mount Kenya yes the one by Jomo Kenyatta. I bullied my mum into getting me that book because of the passion he talked about it with. Five years later, I’ve barely managed to reach page 30. Books are like partners, different books work for different people. You don’t have to like a book that someone else likes. Sometimes you realize you won’t like a book early enough so you drop it like it’s hot. Other days you’ll see a book for what you’d want it to be not what it is. You’ll realize it doesn’t serve you once you’re too invested in it like Steve Harvey’s Act like a lady, think like a man. I feel nauseated every time I remember the nights I read this book. Just like a bad relationship it wasn’t a complete waste of my time though. At least it taught me to run away from any book written to tell women how they should behave so that men can take interest in them, yikes! It’s funny how there are so many books written for women on how to be great for their partners and almost none for men. Double standards! Anyway find what you like to read about and start reading.
SIDE NOTE; IF YOU’D LIKE ANY OF THE BOOKS I’VE TALKED ABOUT, HALLAR AT ME VIA MY E-MAIL OR DM AND I’LL HOOK YOU UP FOR FREE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!
E-MAIL- janegachambi19@gmail.com
IG- gachambi_nderitu
Kindly follow the blog if you haven’t.
WHAT DOES THIS PANDEMIC MEAN TO YOU?
This pandemic means different things to different people. To some it’s taking a break because on the norm they work extremely hard and forget to rest (I was listening to Swizz on one episode of Oprah’s Super Soul conversations and he said something that struck me. He said that the universe gave us a vacay we never thought we needed but we actually did). To some this period has been one for introspection. To others it is constantly worrying about where the next meal will come from. For some this has gotten them closer to God. For others it has drifted them further away from God. For me it has been……
- Introspection. I don’t remember ever enjoying solitude as much as I do now. Naturally I am extroverted. I love people so much and nothing makes me happier than spending time with people and listening to how they perceive life. If I’m not with people I’m usually reading a book, listening to a podcast or music or just on social media pretty much listening to other people’s voices.It took a whole pandemic for me to realize that I’d suppressed my own voice. I’d forgotten what my voice sounded like. Nowadays I make sure in a day I have at least ten minutes where I sit by myself without any distractions aka electronic devices and just listen to my spirit. Some days I go a day or two with my phone switched off when I feel the need to re-energize. This has given me a lot of clarity and certainty on my journey. This is a tradition I’m keeping post Rona.
- Energy. If you are familiar with Willis Raburu’s or the late Wangari Maathai’s energy then you know how energetic I am. It only makes sense that I share birthdays with the both of them. I give a lot to the universe. I’ve become more conscious about the energy I exude and consume. I’m on a positivity journey and that includes; words I utter, what I share on my social media and even the content I create and consume. That also means that I want to surround myself with good vibrations only. Alicia Keys in her memoir, More Myself (thank you Alstair for hooking me up) talks about how she understood how the words we choose and repeat can frame and define our experiences during the period she was expecting her first born. She gave birth the hypnobirthing way. I love it when she says,”As any woman can tell you, everyone seems to have a labor horror story to share and I learned to interrupt storytellers mid sentence. “I’m sorry you experienced that,” I’d say, “but I want to keep my thoughts clear and positive.” I’m borrowing this not only when I become expectant but also for my day to day.
- Taking it eassssy. I beat myself up a lot when things are not working out my way. Sometimes it could be because of something I didn’t do right and other days it is because that’s just the way life is. I’m learning to chill out and let life happen . I’m learning that on some days I might try to work on an article the whole night and not come up with something and that’s okay. I’m learning that I cannot always be in control. I’m learning to take things easy.
- Gratitude. Did you guys watch the News about the lady from Coast who couldn’t afford a single meal and had to cook stones so that she could get her kids to sleep thinking mummy was cooking and would wake them up when food was ready? My heart breaks every time I come across such News. For the record, I’m intentionally avoiding the News for the sake of my sanity although that is not entirely possible in this internet era. I am counting my blessings more consciously everyday. Waking up healthy is a blessing, having family and friends is a blessing, being empowered is a blessing, having a platform, albeit small, where your voice is heard is a blessing! Never will I ever take things for granted again.
I came across a post that said that after this pandemic things shouldn’t go back to normal because normal wasn’t working. That if we go back to normal, the way things were, we will have lost the lesson. May we rise and do better, be better!
SIDE NOTE; MY FRIEND ALSTAIR IS ONE OF THE DEEPEST, MOST INTENTIONAL PEOPLE I KNOW. SHE DOES A LOT OF MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS ON HER INSTAGRAM PLATFORM. PLEASE CHECK HER OUT @_alstair_
SHIKO NGURU AND HER BOO THANG RAMADHAN OLUOCH GAVE BIRTH THE HYPNOBIRTHING WAY. HERE’S A LINK ON THEIR EXPERIENCE IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT IT…. I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE KEEPING SAFE EVEN AS WE HOPE FOR BETTER DAYS AHEAD. I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS TAKING A LOOK AT MY WORK. FOLLOW THE BLOG BELOW IF YOU HAVEN’T.
SELF-DOUBT IS NORMAL, ENTERTAINING IT SHOULDN’T BE!
I’m just from reading Biko’s blog post titled, ‘One Word’. You know Biko, right? Biko Zulu is the most read blogger (I prefer writer) in Kenya. This man is goooood! He sells his work to Saturday Nation, Business Daily, True love, Safaricom Foundation, Msafiri magazine, Travel Africa among others. Oh! He’s an author too. This is yet my best article from him because he admitted to struggling with writing on some days. He explains how he can write a sentence on his word document and leave it as that for days because he lacks content what we commonly refer to as a creative block. We all struggle with self doubt, people like Biko seem like they don’t though. Sometimes it happens prior to actualizing an idea, sometimes it happens when you are halfway in on a project.
Four days ago I thought my self doubt was just a me problem. This thought got me texting a friend at around 2 AM (best time for depth, emotionally or physically, okay forget I said the latter) to ask if they ever have feelings of doubt. Now, the thing about this friend of mine is that you can tell he’s the kind who’s reached a certain level of self-realization and self-awareness I’m striving to reach. I barely know him but I can tell! It’s really nice to have those around. He assured me it’s normal and then a whole ass conversation ensued. What will stick with me for a long time apart from his song, Bidii, which has become one of my favourites ( https://soundcloud.com/mavo-flow-king-voma/bidii ) is a question he asked me in the middle of a phone call the following day. He asked, “Do you think X’s content (big content creator in Kenya) is better than yours?” Anyone who knows me well would know that I fidgeted at first then tried to give a smart answer. Anyway he went ahead and told me he thought, from a creative to a creative, that my content was good and that the only thing X is doing better than me is marketing. This is my first tip of dealing with self-doubt, find someone who truly means well (your spirit can always identify those) and ask them for an honest opinion. More often than not, they see something you don’t.
I have a whole page on one of my books inscribed with the words, I AM A GOOD WRITER seventeen times. I cannot emphasize enough how important affirmations are. Your brain feeds on what you feed it and repetition is how your sub-conscious absorbs information. If you feed it positivity even on days which you are skeptical, it will believe you. The last day I saw Kev, pre-Rona he told me something that made me stop (literally, we were walking) and think. He said, “Gachambi, your primary love language is words of affirmations. You of all people should be careful about what you say to yourself.” This is the kind of ‘normal stuff’ Kev randomly tells me or says on his podcast or blog posts. The queen, I’m talking about Jennifer Lopez with the big booty(that song was once my ring tone) and a beautiful mind, once said that affirming herself has been one of her biggest success secrets. Some of her mantras are:
- I’m open and receptive to all the goodness and abundance the universe has to offer.
- I’m in perfect health. My kids are in perfect health.
- I am whole. I’m good by myself.
- I love myself. I love you JLO.
- I love the universe and the universe loves me back.
- I am enough!
Affirm yourself daily. In fact make it part of your routine.
Finally, just fucking do it and pray on it! Cliche as it may sound, things will either work out or not. If they don’t that’s a lesson learnt and trust me it will come in handy sometime. You’ll be better off than if you hadn’t tried. The only limits are the ones we create for ourselves! Ellen DeGeneres says that what pushed her to start her show, The Ellen Show, is knowing that when you got nothing, you got nothing to lose. Did you know prior to starting the show that is doing exemplary well by the way (she’s hosted guests like the Obama’s), she was jobless for three years? No one could hire her after she came out as gay. This gives me a little hope that one day things will change in Kenya too and we will accept our gay peeps. As you pray be specific. This is a concept I learned recently from Ciara. Say you want to be a TV show host, be specific on the type of show you want to host, the type of people you want to do it with, the type of boss you’d love and even your salary. It works, I promise. Writing this has just reminded me that I once contested and lost in a pageant. It sucked for a minute, by this I mean days, but the lessons and friends I got from that experience, I can never trade for anything! I did a whole YouTube video on it ( https://youtu.be/OT5eu5-pTl8 ). Remember to subscribe because I’ll be posting videos weekly as from next week.
SIDE NOTE: I wish high school motivation speakers gave us practical advise instead of telling us those things they used to say that I barely remember because I was asleep most of the time. All that to say I love you guys. Keep safe. keep sane especially in these trying times and keep sharing my work, thank you very much.
Kev’s podcast- https://linktr.ee/kevinspod
Kev’s blog- mainamind.wordpress.com
Find me on Instagram @gachambi_nderitu
I’M NOT ‘WIFE MATERIAL’, I AM RIDE OR DIE!
When Jada Pinkett Smith (actress and Will Smith’s wife) said she’s not ‘wife material’ but a ride or die chick I resonated with that. I recently asked my Instagram family what the term ‘wife material’ meant to them. I got some pretty interesting responses, this is exactly why you should follow me on Instagram. I am elated to report that a lot of the responses indicated that people are getting past the conventional ‘wife material’ qualities and I’m here for it. These four gorgeous women will give us a better understanding of the modern woman and why we should do away with that term anyway.
I see myself a lot in Ivy (you Tuber, Over 25). She’s a twin mum at home but when closing deals, she’s a different kind of animal! I’d feel sorry for anyone who stands in her way. That is the vibe she exudes . She’s a ted x speaker, a career woman, an influencer, a reader and a You Tuber. She parties, she loves her drink, she looks good in her short dresses, she’s inked and she doesn’t enjoy housework as much (same sis, same!). She loves her kids, it’s evident, she values family and you can tell that her family is her priority. Things still run perfectly in her home, as a matter of fact I know a lot about how to deal with my nannies in future from a video she did with one of her best friends ( https://youtu.be/_QRZZzbH0rw ). I don’t think her partner would have it any other way given another chance.
Shiko Nguru is bad ass! She’s a content creator(Green Calabash on YouTube). You probably know her from the video that trended of her giving birth at home, no? I got you because I love you (https://youtu.be/eOc6ljjStcg ) . She’s a mother to three beautiful children. She works from home and home schools two of her kids. Shiko Nguru will wake up, take a shower, do a make up face beat, start the home school classes, record a you tube video, edit it, upload it (guys, YouTube isn’t easy, been there done that), catch up on a movie over a glass of wine in the evening and still read her kids bed time stories in one day! I don’t know how she does it, there’s no doubt she’s phenomenal though.
Sherly Sandberg is the author of my current read, Lean In. She is also the chief operating officer (COO) at Facebook, technology executive, founder of LeanIn. Org and a billionaire. In the book she shares her experience being a first time mum. Sheryl finds a lot of joy in working. She worked at google at the time she was expectant with her first born. She took three months of maternity but even then she still worked. Sheryl was checking her E-mail from her hospital room a day after giving birth. Within the three months, she organized meetings in her living room and even attended key meetings in the office. Sheryl loves her children a lot but she also loves her job and that’s okay too. “I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she’ll have a life partner and who that partner is. I don’t know of one woman in a leadership position who’s partner is not fully and I mean fully supportive of her career.” She states in the book. Her late husband, Dave, was extremely supportive.
I am extremely grateful that my mother is my mother. She’s one of the most ambitious people I know. She’s excelled exemplary everywhere she’s worked. She’s very vocal especially on matters gender (the apple does not fall far from the tree). She helps people a lot, this surprises me. I’ve witnessed her reject money offered to her because of a kind gesture she did a couple of times. She’s not as religious as the conventional ‘wifey material’ should be (she’s spiritual though). She dislikes doing laundry. She still uses her surname despite being married to one of the coolest people alive. My mum is a good woman, a good wife and a good mother (I know this because if I were the mother to my siblings and I, I would have taken off one night never to be seen again, she hasn’t done that yet!)
I see bits of myself in these women. It is comforting to realize that I don’t have to change who I am to fit into social constructs. That being a career woman is okay just as being a stay at home mum. It’s unfair to forget that your partner is someone who is on a personal journey and in the process becomes your significant other. It is stupid to expect them to halt their journey because you’re in their life now. The term ‘wife material’ should be done away with. Women should be able to make their lives whatever the hell they want it to be. It is not in our place to change people find your train wreck and ride with it!
SIDE NOTE:
Jeannie and Jeezy got engaged yesterday! (See my post, TO LOVE IS NOT ONLY TO GIVE BUT ALSO TO TAKE)
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gachambi_nderitu – Instagram
FOR ANYONE WHO SUFFERS FROM A MENTAL ILLNESS..
It is 1:15 AM, April the first the year being 2020. My laptop has been on, in front of me for about two hours as I tried to figure out what today’s blog will be about. On the norm I think about the weekly posts days prior to Wednesday, which is when I post. This week I have been contemplating on a lot of topics, I am uncertain about any of them however. My energy level is non-existent. This could be due to a creative block or just the fact that I’ve been extremely anxious lately.
I happen to be neurotic, I suffer from anxiety. As creatives we give a lot to the world and sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. I’m learning that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, I mean I’m human, It’s okay to take breaks and it’s okay to admit you can’t deliver at the moment.
I love you guys so much. Thank you for three years. Yes! The blog turns 3 today. It’s my birthday as well, I turn twenty fucking two! I’m going to spend the day alone reflecting. I need it. I can’t wait to be back at it with content for you. For anyone who suffers from mental illnesses, this post is for you. Seek help, take breaks, I’m rooting for you! Our best days are ahead of us!
TO LOVE IS NOT ONLY TO GIVE BUT ALSO TO TAKE
This is my fifth month single and I don’t remember any other time I was single for this long. I love romance and everything that comes with it. I am a long term relationship girl with break periods of three months at most. All that to say this has been one of the most invigorating period of my life. Cliche as it may sound, I’ve been very intentional on working on myself. I have a clear picture on what I’d want in a partner in written form. I’ve been consuming content on relationships and dating that I’m going to share with you my loves.
One of my favourite episode on Kevin’s pod (https://anchor.fm/kevins-pod8/embed/episodes/Self-awareness-and-Dating-with-Minneh-Kimunya-eb0bs7/a-a1d57vl ), he featured a guest called Minneh Kimunya who I had the privilege of meeting in person. Bruh she is beautiful! I remember the first thing I noticed about her though was how sexy her voice is. Listen to the episode, I’m not playing. How you can be all this and still intelligent is beyond me! She oozes a lot of wisdom. She said a relationship is just a friendship upgraded. She insisted on the importance of being friends prior to becoming partners. I agree with this to some extent (the only thing I didn’t fully agree with). I don’t believe there’s a formula for love because you can be best friends for three years and then get into a beautiful relationship like Wanjiru Njiru and Ben Cyco or you can hook up on the first night and be happily married thirteen years later with two cute babies like Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. If I were Chrissy, that night would determine whether I wanted anything else to do with the guy because bedroom nastiness is one of the things on my list I can’t compromise.
I prefer getting to know a potential suitor through going out on dates. I am becoming very intentional with seeking clarity from the first date. Jeannie Mai on her podcast, Listen Hunnay (https://player.fm/series/listen-hunnay-with-jeannie-mai/crafting-the-perfect-first-date-with-kendall-long) , is emphatic on the need to seek clarity. Here’s a tip I picked from her; As opposed to asking what are we? Ask what their intention is with the date/situationship. That way you get to seek clarity without giving the other person power over you. Jeannie is one of the deepest people I know. I feel as if I know her in person because I’ve watched her journey. I’ve seen her get married, going through divorce and now dating her equally introspective boothang Jeezy. They say you can only meet someone as deeply as they’ve met themselves. I thought I was an oversharer until I got to know her. She’s the perfect definition of someone who heals herself while healing others. She shared that one of her biggest lesson after divorce is that being just in love can’t sustain a marriage. There must be a connection, common interests and principles and this ladies and gentlemen you start identifying on the first few dates (NOT WHATSAPP). Jeannie and Jeezy’s first date lasted for eight hours. They had raw, vulnerable conversations on their greatest lessons and mistakes in life over dinner and later went for salsa dancing. By the end of it Jeezy gave Jeannie an assignment to go reflect on the date and figure out what she envisions them doing together then if her notes matched his, he’d actively pursue her. Damn! notes! Some guys are just so sexy, not in the way they look but their minds! He ended up pursuing her, in the process gifting her with a package that entailed 9 books on different topics because she loves reading. Ooh, he was still pursuing her when he gifted her the books. Lord I see what you’re doing for others….
Communication is something I will never compromise in a relationship. It is starred on my journal. I’m praying for a man who can communicate effectively from being vocal about how he feels about me to informing me when he feels offended by something I said/did. I value emotional intelligence. I am putting in work on bettering my EQ because they say; demand what you can deliver!
June Gachui is one of the sexiest most unapologetic ladies I know. She’s in her forties, still single. She said on one of her Engage 14 talks that the ‘meanwhiles’ boyfriends/girlfriends who are not meant to be are important because they move you forward. How I interpreted this is we shouldn’t feel guilty for falling in and out of love with the same or different people. What matters is how you felt at that moment (her words). Did you feel sexy? Did you feel loved? Did they give you an orgasm? Ep 24 of Kevin’s pod taught me that there’s no such thing as a negative experience, they’re learning experiences.
To my single people, being single is a privilege we might not have forever. Maximise on it while you can. Work on yourself, work on your goals and have fun while at it. It gets lonely sometimes and that’s okay. A suitable partner is worth the wait. To you who’s cuffed, in Chimamanda’s words remember; to love is not only to give but also to take.
Side Note; Thank you so much for always supporting me by checking out my work. We turn 3 next week on Wednesday! I am elated. God bless you guys.
I lost my initial Instagram account. Took me a minute to accept I have to start all over again. Kindly follow me on my new handle @nderitu_gachambi. Don’t forget to follow the blog as well in order to get notified anytime I post. See you next Wednesday fam. Don’t forget to sanitize, keep social distance, stay at home if you can and pray for Italy. I love you tons..
TO FRIENDS WHO KEEP US IN CHECK, THANK YOU!
Shit! I hate bras! I’m happy I won’t have to wear them for the next two weeks or so because, self quarantine. I used to hate the question, “what’s your plan now that you don’t want to practice law?” Unlike bras, I’d avoid answering it more often than not until my friend, Kev checked me yesterday.
Kev and I were somewhere catching up when a mutual friend walked in. I don’t remember how this conversation started, however I remember her asking the question and me dodging it. She hadn’t noticed I was avoiding it because I had become a pro at it, LMFAO. My eyes meet Kev’s and this guy starts laughing. He’d noticed, goddamn it! “Let me tell you why you avoid answering that question because you are my friend and I love you. You are not confident in your writing ability. That means you’ve wired your brain to view writing as an option. As a result it’s easy for you to be swayed into pursuing something else you aren’t as passionate about. Have you seen yourself write Gachambi? I wish you could see yourself in my eyes. I want you to go home and reflect about your writing. Like seriously think about your why.” He said it so passionately! He even stood up while saying it.
Was he right? Absolutely! I’ve mentioned it to him severally that I want to write and author books. I’m done reading Arese Ugwu’s Smart Money Woman, she mentions three questions to determine whether something is your purpose according to Fred Swaniker of the African Leadership Group. This is how I asked and answered the questions:
- Is writing big enough? What impact do I intend my writing to have? I want to inspire through my journey and other people’s journey. I want to be as truthful as I can if I’m to help someone else who has a journey similar to mine. If God wills, I want my kids (I can’t believe I’m typing this because I’ve been assertive about not wanting kids for a minute. I’ll tell you why I’m becoming open to the idea on my next post) to have a reference point on how I lived my life at different stages and how I dealt with certain issues. I want to look back and be inspired when I need it. Lastly, I want to entertain through my writing. So yes, writing is a big deal for me.
- I’m I in the right position to make it happen? What skills do I have? What resources do I have? I’m a storyteller. I love conversations. I write well, it doesn’t feel like it sometimes and that’s the blog’s point anyway. Practice makes progress. I got this from Firdowsa, Kev’s friend, on the latest episode on his podcast (https://linktr.ee/kevinspod). I have a blog which is a great resource. I’ve been lucky enough to be offered a bigger platform, KU radio’s website. Yes I blog for them and I am certainly in a position to make it happen.
- I’m I passionate about writing? Answering this was quite simple. Kevo (for the umpteenth time, I don’t even call him this but so that it doesn’t sound repetitive…) was talking about how to figure out one’s passion by asking, “In an instance where you are assured of a million bob in your account monthly but you have to choose a career. It could be anything, what would you do? Yeah you guessed right. I’d write for a million bob just as I’d write for free.
I don’t know what heaven looks like but I high key hope there will be a Kev and books like The Smart Money Woman. This blog post is for anyone trying to figure out their purpose. Firstly, no pressure. Secondly, I hope the post has been helpful in helping you somewhat figure it out.
Side note:
Waah! I’d missed this platform guys, like alot. It was a long deserved break but we back baby! This is the only platform where I can be myself fully. I can curse ,write in Kikuyu and upload my pictures just because… Without any repercussions. Thank you so much for taking your time to read my work. Remember to follow the blog in order to get notified whenever I post You are the shit! Love and light💓! See you next Wednesday, same place!
THE TATTOO PARLOUR CONVERSATION
It started as a casual late lunch date with my girl Aretha. Later on two of her friends, Tiff and Esther, joined us. A few minutes after meeting we were already having deep conversations with crazy energy. One of the girls was supposed to get ink, so we took her to @ink_city_johnny_0724640255 (instagram) to get the job done. This is among the best decisions I’ve made this year. It is among other important decisions I made like leaving my recent relationship (crap, I said it!)
We were welcomed by one of the tattooist, Esther. I still don’t know how the conversation escalated from the tattoo design to life lessons and experiences on relationships, business and current issues. What I do know though is that I took notes.
- Clowning for men. One of the girls said that, “the way you found him is how he’s gonna be until you die.” Stop dating men thinking you can change them. Don’t entertain what you can’t change, it is very unlikely a man will stop staying late drinking because you walked into his life. Just to put this out here, it is very unlikely I’d date a teetotaller because I love the idea of good conversations over drinks.
- This one had me laughing hard at how most of us could relate. When a man cums and dozes off immediately, not giving a shit whether his significant other is sexually satisfied. That is selfish. We can do better, brothers!
- Esther was very interested in knowing why ladies have unreasonable expectations of men. For instance when they demand for a lifestyle they themselves can’t afford. BBC did a story six months ago on how rampant suicide cases have become among Kenyan men. https://youtu.be/NClMdqEIUDM . A reasonable chunk of the cases is contributed by this unexpected expectations. A woman can equally be as toxic in a relationship. Yes I said it!
- “Can men start owning up to their shit?” Asked Tiff. The year is 2019, it’s okay for a man to tell you they are not in a space they can commit to a relationship but wouldn’t mind a ‘good time’ just as it is for him to tell you that he is broke at the moment and can’t afford what you are asking for. Have you ever been asked out on a date and the moment it’s time to pay the guy asks you, “uko na mia mbili nitakurudishia?” as opposed to, “Hey, I’d really want to take you out on a date however, I am broke at the moment.”
- ‘You come on too strong’ seems like a pretty normal statement nowadays made by men to their women. Any lady at the reception of ink city at the moment we were having this conversation would have easily come out as being what the society terms us ‘too much’. We were very confident and extremely passionate while airing our views. May it be noted that women have opinions and they ask questions nowadays. Deal with it!
- This applies to both genders. How hard is it to say sorry? Any person who thinks is big enough to ask you for sex should be able to apologise. In case you did not know, you are not in a position to determine if you hurt the other person’s feelings or not. Statements like, ‘I don’t understand why you are mad at that’ should be banned like Ethic’s Tarimbo song.
- Violence. Tuko/Tuco- Kenya, did a story recently of a lady who has been in an abusive relationship with her baby daddy. https://youtu.be/gJaNSebeDiM . I don’t think we are putting enough emphasis on the fact that he’ll point at you today, slap you tomorrow and then kill you in an year’s time. Men should stop abusing ladies physically but most importantly women should learn to walk away. Were it not for this blog post, I wouldn’t have watched that interview. In fact, by the time the girls and I were discussing about this, I hadn’t watched it yet. This is because I experienced physical violence about a year and a half ago. I have never gotten over it to date. There are days I still cry over it. I’m considering doing therapy for that. I’m lucky I left after the first and only time it happened. A couple of women do not and the truth of the matter is, alot of the millennials have or are experiencing this. Learn to draw a line between manipulation and love!
My current read is Small Doses by Amanda Seales. I fuck with her heavy because we share alot of similar perspectives. She has a podcast as well. In one of the episodes of her podcast, Small Doses, she says that her mum told her she really admires millennials because we talk about stuff. I was extremely grateful I met these ladies yesterday. If each and everyone of us had this conversations more often then some of these traditions would cease to exist. I wasn’t going to miss out on a chance to have such conversations with these ladies again, one day later I created a whatsApp group for us where we can talk and change the world one conversation at a time!
SIDE NOTE;
Thank you to everyone who supports my creative journey. A couple of you were concerned about my silence. I was experiencing a creative block hence the break. I promise to be more consistent. Love and light❤.
I NEEDED A RESPONSIBLE MAN, MARRIED ONE WITH A WIFE
I listen to any music I feel sounds good. I don’t have a particular genre. I sing along to country music with my dad, I love a good reggae song, R&B because I love love, ragga because I went to a public high school during the period when ‘Bedroom bully’ was a hit, ninety percent of my playlist entails the Weekend’s songs, the Kansoul has never disappointed and you should find me jamming to ‘Njata yakwa’ by De’Mathew (I said I love LOVE). I’m headed somewhere with this ,I promise.
Recently De’Mathew’s widows (yes in plural because he was married to two women) got to be interviewed on Real Talk with Tamima by Tamima about how they hacked being married to the same man heck even having a friendship bond. I watched the interview thinking these women have so much grace that I was not given and I’m glad I wasn’t! The first wife (mama Ciku) revealed that by the time she was meeting the second wife (Caroline), Caroline’s first born was around nine years old, can you imagine? How the husband admitted that he had a second wife is even more hilarious. So Mama Ciku found something amiss and raised the subject when they were out with the husband. The husband later admitted via text! I expected mama Ciku to ask someone to hold her beer because hell was about to break loose but alas! she handled it in such a composed manner and I respect her for that.
Caroline was informed by De’Mathew right from day one that he wanted a second wife and that he had a wife and three children. She thought that was a hit because she wanted a responsible man (I don’t know if this sounds as dramatic to you as it does to me). Their relationship amazes me and others including our president Uhuru Kenyatta who was a great friend to De’Mathew. His excellency stated in his tribute to De’Mathew that he wished all women in polygamous families would have a relationship like Mama Ciku’s and Caroline’s (they shopped for the kids together, went swimming together and even partied together) He was first to mention though that he was married to only one wife because not all of us are made from the same cloth as Mama Ciku and Caroline. This was confirmed by the 80% who voted against polygamy on a poll I did on my instagram. The other 20% entailed guys majorly but there were also four ladies who voted for it.
Let’s just conclude by saying to each their own but if you choose the polygamous path marry someone who’s chosen the same path. As for the 80% of us who are for monogamy, I’ll be your divorce case attorney if he tries you like that. In case you didn’t know, traditional marriages are recognized by the law and as we all know Islamic and traditional marriage permits polygamy.
side note:
A known content creator, Mkamburi Chigogo did an Instagram TV video claiming that the famous couple Kibanja and chipukeezy had broken up. My issue is not this false information, my issue is the things she said about both of them. I was so angry watching that video!
- You asked who Chipukeezy makes laugh. I’ll answer you, have you seen his audience/followers bruh! He might not seem funny to you, and that’s okay look for someone who is!
- You are of the opinion that Kibanja is a pass around trophy in the industry who uses famous people as a stepping stone to her success. So what if that’s her strategy? Focus on yours! That is not Kibanja’s strategy though. She works extremely hard and that is quiet evident even from her instagram.
- How do you feel that after trash-talking they are still together? I hope you are ashamed! I don’t know them personally I have met Chipukeezy once (earlier this year) where I got to interview him for an agency I was working for. I think they are both very driven and in love and guess what baby girl people fall out sometimes in relationships and the least they need is your unsolicited opinions!
The interview- https://youtu.be/mFu_QKr4I5k
My YouTube channel- https://youtu.be/g38JBTT_FIQ
My instagram- https://www.instagram.com/the_feminist_who_loves_men?r=nametag
My Twitter- https://twitter.com/FeministWho?s=08
